Are you an inadvertent completist?

The holidays are fast upon us. Books, sea and shaggy dogs lie almost within reach. But reader, I’ve stalled. And feel like I’m wading through porridge sans spurtle.

The diagnosis? Inadvertent completism. But hey, at least I'm in good company. Because however brilliant they are the rest of the time, most leaders succumb now and then.

But what is this inadvertent completism?

A kind of rubbish reverse alchemy, in which the more effort you make, the less value you create. 😫 And tragically, it can be contagious.

Here’s how it looked for a marvellous leader I coach. He’d just taken on a new team and was implementing a new vision and strategy. It was a massive undertaking, hugely exciting and he was rocking it.

BUT

Despite talent, experience and sheer drive, one solitary piece of work clung limpet-like to his slate. The more attention he gave it, the longer it lingered. The more he looked, the less he saw. The more clarity he attempted, the more convoluted it became.

The problem? In his laudable desire to offer something fulsome and complete, he’d inadvertently created a bloated, unwieldy palaver. And whereas ordinarily he’d use his fine judgement to:

Decide what matters, what doesn’t and which trade-offs to make
Choose when to pursue and when to pivot
Deliver excellence, not everything

Struck down with inadvertent completism, he’d:

Overshot enough in favour of comprehensive
Rethought, refined and revised as if stuck in an interminable game of Tetris¹
Generated extra work for everyone, as work begot work begot work – but infuriatingly, not value

Inadvertent completism, he lamented, is the unwanted gift that refuses to stop giving. You (and your team) continue to work harder, go deeper, do better – with inverse returns. Clarity of purpose crumbles under indistinct swathes of intention. Optimal value melts into valuing everything.² Confoundingly, more ends up as less.³ 😭

But why does this happen?

Inadvertent completism tends to descend at crunch points. During overload, for example, like my pre-holiday overwhelm. Or extreme flux, like when you try valiantly to craft clarity in an uncertain abyss.⁴ Or, perversely, when you do everything you can to hit the ground running, like my frustrated coachee.

And it’s not silliness: the leaders I work with are smart, strategic and familiar with brilliance.⁵ But almost everything has a flipside. So occasionally, in avoiding under-delivery, they lean into a metaphorical cross every t dot every i overcorrection. And in going above and beyond, end up deeper in the mire and further from the finish.

It’s no fun on the receiving end, either. Like when an otherwise wonderful exec I worked for requested just a bit more, and a line here, and perhaps a detail there on a treatment we were developing. The result was undeniably more complete. But it wasn’t better. And wasn’t commissioned anyway. 🙄

Yes, hindsight can over-simplify: there’s every chance it still would’ve bit the dust. But it might’ve been a smarter use of our time (and less infuriating) to deliver enough to fulfil the brief – and then crack on with something else.

But is there a cure?

Yes, of sorts. Get curious. Find out what works for you, and how you could adapt it for a better fit. You might, for example, give One Step Forward a whirl, or experiment with one of these.

🧐 Frame the negative

Rather than picking out what matters (usually everything), strip it back by framing the negative:

How isn’t that bit essential?
Where isn’t this thought relevant?
Why shouldn’t you address that, or that, or this?
What can’t you know?
What don’t you need to know?

Yes, there’s always nuance. And yes, it’s all probably important somewhere at some point. Just not all of it now.

🧐 Set creative constraints

An artist friend of mine often extols the beauty of boundaries when mentoring stuck colleagues. Because it might sound like (or be sold as) freedom, but delivering without parameters can be a nightmare.⁶ You often waste untold energy just wondering where to look. Her fave constraints?

Specify the scope
Specify the first, real audience (not future, potential audience)
Specify an imminent deadline for review with a specified person

Your parameters might change but, much like framing the negative, creative constraints can re-energise the process and give completism a firm kick.

🧐 Ask Impertinent Questions

Inadvertent completism won’t look the same in everyone. So get curious about when, how and where it manifests for you, and impacts on your team. The clearer the diagnosis, the faster the remedy.

When do you tend towards completism?
What are your completist triggers?
How might more doing produce less value?
Which of your expectations are unsustainable?
Where is there more solution than problem?

Plus a bonus: deploy Second Brain.⁷ It’s much easier to puncture inadvertent completism with a co-conspirator. Saying stuff out loud helps you spot where you’ve supersized the brief. Or where the brief is batshit. Plus: it’s much nicer to shed one’s excesses with companionable giggles than self-flagellation.

And to avoid inadvertent completism, that’s it! I’m off on holiday.⁸ 👋

Keen to get curious and fancy a spot of help?

Get intensely curious about who you are, who you’re not, and what actually matters with Impertinent Questions. My nosiness meets your context each weekday for a month.

Get curious with The Curious Leader newsletter direct to your inbox. Longform, practical, personal opining on curiosity in leadership. Like today’s on FOBFO-busting, or this one on owning your success.

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FOOTNOTES

1 Which turns out to be actually possible, albeit in theory.

2 See also the “Everything Slide”. Awash with detail, utterly impenetrable, intriguingly common.

3 Incidentally, inadvertent completism isn’t quite the same as other personal tripwires. And since different ailments require different treatments, it’s worth checking you’re not actually suffering from high performance procrastination, perfectionism or luxuriation (stretching into the expanse for the sheer love of it).

4 On which: years ago I worked with a leader who’d inherited a restructure with another on the horizon and a potential merger. Completism was barely avoidable. One Step Forward helped her craft some clarity – but crikey, what an onslaught.

5 Which has its own issues.

6 Although marvellous for radical imagination, conjuring with impossibilities and escaping idiosyncratic shackles. Just less so when you have to produce something now.

7 Second Brain = conversational approach that helps you move forward. With a specifically selected Second Brain. A bit like coaching, a bit like mentoring, a bit like consulting. But also not quite. I meant to share a download but: inadvertent incompletism.

8 “Celebrate, holiday, celebrate.” Etc. 🥳

How do you show the love?

The other day a client asked me to define how I work with leaders.

“I show them the love.”

It’s true. And often why clients hire me. But it still feels bold to say it out loud.

Which is odd, because showing the love is a leadership superpower. One that’s powerfully enabling: it channels you to elevate everyone. And I love showing, feeling, and seeing others show the love. But it doesn’t get nearly the recognition or analysis it deserves.

Why is that? And why do I feel bold for owning it? Perhaps it feels safer to stick with Certified Leadership Credentials(TM). Or perhaps it’s another, related reason: showing the love is tricky to pin down. You know it when you feel it. But what does that mean? It is touchy-feely-yuck? (Let’s just get this out the way: no!) But also: wot?

Well, exactly. Which is why it’s only in recent years that I’ve fully embraced it.[1] And only now that I’m writing this.[2]

What is showing the love?

Showing the love isn’t something you do. It’s a feeling you communicate. But it’s hard to quantify a feeling. And even harder when it can be created differently by different people. But again: you know it when you feel it. Which is exactly what happened last week.

I was observing a workshop. My colleague was in the thick of it, delivering to a polite if wary crowd of senior execs. But as the session began to unfold I noticed their reticence give way to a kind of, well, exuberance:

Enthusiastic chipping in instead of waiting on (other) volunteers
Intense curiosity about where they aligned or diverged instead of just skimming the surface
Having an actual conversation instead of just saying answers[3]
Speaking honestly instead of keeping it safe

What was behind that shift? Right from the off, she showed them the love. She dialled into who she is: upbeat, irreverent, unafraid. She showed up with total clarity of intention: she wasn’t vague or hesitant. And, although showing the love isn’t without risk, she embraced that risk and leaned right in.

Let’s be clear: she also had great content, buckets of experience, and trusting sponsors. But the commitment from those leaders wasn’t just down to what she delivered. Or to buy-in from the big boss. It was a response to the feeling she created – by showing the love.

But how do you show the love?

Not necessarily like someone else. Which, again, makes it hard to quantify. Let’s dive into another example, this one with a very different vibe.

A mate of mine regularly tutors on a residential, application-only course. The tutors are experts, the attendees cock-a-hoop to be there, and unsurprisingly it’s all marvellous.[4] Except last time, the final exercise flipped his group from triumph to freak out. A week of excited thinking, talking, doing then:
S I L E N C E.

He could have ignored their discomfort. Or rescued them. Instead, he showed the love. What did that look like? Enabling them, with all of his compassion and acuity, to get curious about their discomfort. What was its texture? Where might it have come from? Where might it take them?

The love was there in his choice to lean right into who he is: perceptive, compassionate, kind. It was in his clarity of intention, and the feeling of safety he communicated.[5] It was there in his willingness to risk his own vulnerability. And because they felt the love, the group managed to swim with their discomfort and get home safely.

How and why they showed the love was different for my mate and my colleague. But I think they exercised similar muscles to help people feel it:

Leaning into who they are to create a personal connection even in a crowd[6]
Leading with clarity of intention instead of being vague or intermittent
Dialling themselves up to be a bit extra instead of doing extra
Meeting people where they are so they feel seen, not unsafe
Embracing the risk of showing the love, with no guarantee of the response[7]

What does it feel like?

Noticing how you feel the love can help you figure out how you show it. So here’s an example from a recipient of the love – me.

I was leading a precarious project. Think: widespread reluctance, endless provocation, dysfunctional everything. We weren’t burdened with problems so much as relentlessly bedraggled. And through it all, the client showed me the love. I couldn’t quantify it in the moment, but I absolutely, unmistakably felt it.

What did it feel like? Unstinting trust. Trust that we’d get there, trust in fast iteration, total trust in me – in who I am and everything I bring.[8] How did they create that? By being themselves on full beam – not inadvertently but with clear intention. And they never wavered. They never ran from the risk. I knew where I was with them: safe.

So when they eventually asked me why I hadn’t run for the hills, my answer was instant:

You showed me the love.

It wasn’t nice, or kind or cheering. Showing me the love was powerfully enabling. I didn’t need someone to hold my hand. I needed someone to have my back while I rebuilt the ship, held off the storms[9] and steered us to shore. And we got there. Verrrrry bruised, but with success in our sails. The power of love? I think so.

Impertinent Questions

Intrigued by the love? Feeling it, showing it, what is it? Let’s get curious with some impertinent questions. (Click here for an expanded, downloadable version.)

🤔 When have you felt the love?
How did you experience it? What did it enable in you? What did safety feel like?

🤔 Where do you notice the love?
Who elevates an interaction? What feelings are they channelling? How do people respond?

🤔 How do you show the love?
When do you make a difference by being, not doing? Which qualities do you dial up? What vibe are you creating?

Of course, you might show the love and… nothing. If so, don’t be downhearted. (But do get curious.[10]) Because whatever happens, showing the love sharpens your mettle. It exercises your muscle for risk. It clarifies who you are as a leader. It builds your confidence to show up with that clarity. Not hesitantly or inadvertently, but deliberately and courageously.

You can’t show the love indiscriminately. You’d be knackered. And probably too much. But also: there’s no need. So preserve it for moments that call for a different, deeper quality of connection. Like with those wary leaders, or that freaked out group, or me on that hazardous project. Because showing the love is special. It’s extra. It’s a hard-to-quantify superpower. What’s love got to do with it? Everything.[11]

Keen to get curious and fancy a spot of help?

Get intensely curious about who you are, who you’re not, and what actually matters with Impertinent Questions. My nosiness meets your context each weekday for a month.

Get curious with The Curious Leader newsletter direct to your inbox. Longform, practical, personal opining on curiosity in leadership. Like today’s on FOBFO-busting, or this one on owning your success.

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FOOTNOTES

[1] I used to send it to Coventry. Which wasn’t entirely silly then, but I’m glad I don’t now.

[2] With thanks to the very kind people who supplied feedback, examples and helped me wade through the mess!

[3] There’s a difference between actively figuring out and passively saying.

[4] Plus: every evening starts with sherry hour. What’s not to love?

[5] You can’t just announce a “safe space”. You have to create it, not least by communicating a feeling of safety. Showing the love really helps, because it asks you to be clear in who you are – and to meet people where they are (bleugh, brilliant, wherever).

[6] Which doesn’t mean taking up all the space. Or being an arse. (Personally, I like to save that for my family.)

[7] Being not just you, but you on full beam, can be terrifying. But ultimately, there’s less friction in being who you are than who you’re not. It’s clearer. It builds trust faster because people know what to expect. It’s probably what people value in you anyway. And you get further because the effort of masking can be redirected somewhere more useful.

[8] This was everything. I’ll never forget it.

[9] Other ‘s’ words spring to mind.

[10] It’s an excellent antidote. Refer back to your impertinent questions. What still sounds right? What doesn’t? How can you gather more evidence?

[11] What a woman, 100% showing the love. 🔥💪💔

Don't be a hermit – interact with impact with these five tips

Human interaction is at the heart of work. Its impact is everywhere – from process to productivity, outcome and enjoyment. Unless, of course, you’re a hermit.

Despite its centrality, that interaction can often feel unpredictable, ineffective and draining. After all, you can never guarantee someone else’s behaviour. You can, however, ensure your own is more influential, clear and effective.

Below are five tools to help you make the impact you choose in your daily interactions. Yes, they take practice, but they can make a crucial difference – particularly if you’re leading change. Either way, they’ll help you achieve your outcomes without wasting time and energy. No need to become a hermit, then.
 
1. Don’t look down!
Look up, make eye contact, then begin. Taking that moment to connect tells people you're fully present – and that your contribution is worth their attention. This is particularly useful in presentations and when opening meetings. Good eye contact also signals that you’re engaged with their response.

It might sound obvious, but it’s surprising how many of us launch straight in, without first establishing a connection. In so doing we risk throwing away our words on a distracted audience, silently dismissing their contribution, and reducing our impact.

2. Stand your ground
Yep, even if you’re seated. If you’re standing, keep your feet hip-width apart. Feel the ground through your feet. Resist the urge to drop one hip or place your weight on one leg. Again, obvious enough, but not always easy to avoid in the moment. If you’re sitting, feel the ground evenly through both feet. It can be tricky in a skirt, but worth doing whenever possible.

Feeling the ground through your feet does what it says on the tin; it helps you feel more grounded and present. It also stabilises your posture, preventing you either feeling or looking like you’re in 'fight or flight'. And that in turn creates a more powerful presence.

3. Abdominal breathing
Imagine a pair of bellows. As the air goes in, they expand; as it leaves, they contract. The same idea applies to abdominal breathing, ideally through a slightly open mouth. As you breathe into the bottom of the lungs the abdomen expands; as you breathe out it contracts. The most important thing, however, is to breathe out first!

Breathing is critical both to how you feel we’re perceived and how you are perceived – influencing how you behave and others respond. Most people take shallow breaths and/or hold their breath, particularly when nervous or challenged. Abdominal breathing reverses this so you operate more effectively. It also helps you speak more clearly and avoid swallowing words. You’ll feel better, be perceived more positively, and imbue your words with the impact you intend.

4. Take the space
Being aware of the space around you – above, below, in front and behind – can transform the impact of your presence. Unfold into that space. Release your arms from your sides. Broaden your shoulders away from your ears. And keep your feet hip-width apart. Hunched shoulders, crossed arms and a caved chest don’t just restrict breathing and create tension. They also make you physically smaller – impacting on your personal presence and suggesting that you don't want to be there.

So take the space, expand into it, occupy it. Your posture will improve. Your chest will open and you'll breathe more easily. You’ll create a stronger presence. And you'll signal to others that you are ready to be seen and to engage.

5. Channel your inner ventriloquist
Okay, not really – but imagining that the stomach (venter) is powering your speech (loqui) can help you project without straining or shouting.

Most people reach forward with their head and neck when they want to be heard. Bring them back instead so they’re aligned with your spine. Relax the throat – it will tense if you shout – and, when you speak, engage your lower abdominals. Projection can take some practice, and works best in conjunction with the other tools. Once cracked, however, you'll deliver your ideas with impact. It's also brilliant sore throat prevention in noisy pubs!

Want to learn more? Download our free Chirp Guide to find out how to use your voice more effectively in meetings, pitches and presentations.

How to communicate with clarity and influence

With the bank holiday behind us, and September drawing near, it’s either time for fresh challenges – or a dash to sunnier climes.

For those of us staying put, our challenges might be new projects, new responsibility, perhaps even a new job. It’s a fair bet that, whatever’s involved, you’ll need your communication skills in limber form.

Communicating is at the heart of what we do – even when we’re unaware of it. From brief ‘hellos’ to major presentations, we continuously send out verbal and physical messages. And sometimes those messages just get lost in translation.

Communication with clarity, impact and authenticity can transform encounters from confusing and pointless to motivating and effective. It helps us express what we want in the way that we want. And it helps us hear and understand what others are saying – or not saying – so we can respond relevantly.

We are, of course, all different, with individual forms of expression. Yet we also face many of the same issues when it comes to communicating at work. Below we share a few basic tips to help you greet new challenges with communications gusto.

Match tone with meaning

Think about how you’re saying what you’re saying. Does your tone match your meaning? Don’t undercut your words with an unconvincing delivery. They’ll lose their impact – and so will you.
 

Plan for challenge

Plan in advance for challenging encounters. Work out key points and the most appropriate language to deliver them. Is what you're saying fair? Is it confusingly indirect? It is marked by fact or irritation? And is it constructive – does it help the other person to share your perspective rather than stick doggedly to theirs? A little planning will help you be calm and direct without aggression.
 

Listen and respond

Pause for a moment. Are you aware of your audience? Are you listening and responding to them? Or are you focused solely on pushing out your own messages? Creating moments to tune into verbal and non-verbal signals will help you remain relevant – and help what you say to land.

A dual sense of understanding and being understood is fundamental to reducing stress and boosting enjoyment. And, given the amount of time we spend at work, it's worth making the effort to achieve!

Want to learn more? Download our free Chirp Guide to find out how to use your voice more effectively in meetings, pitches and presentations.

Spring clean your presenting style

It looks like Spring is finally here so, in honour of the season, we're sharing five tips to rejuvenate presentations. A Spring clean, if you will. We hope they help you present with natural charisma and ensure your every word lands.

1. Breathe out

Ignore the advice ringing in your ears to take a deep breath. For most of us that results in either hyperventilation or heavy breathing – neither a good look when you need to impress. Breathing out first should help make your next inhalation deeper and more regular. It will calm you down if you’re nervous, and help you project more effectively either way.

Try it: as you're preparing, just before you start, and as you're changing slides.

2. Catch flies

Okay, not literally – but do breathe in and out through an open mouth. (Once referred to by a client as 'catching flies', in case you wondered.) It can be counter-intuitive, but it will make a significant difference. You'll breathe more deeply and with less effort, so you're free to focus on content. It should help to keep your facial and neck muscles relaxed too.

Try it: as you're preparing, just before you start, and a few times during the presentation.

3. Pause

Is it easy? No. Does it help? Yes. Will a split-second will feel like an eternity? Well, probably. It won’t be, though, and that brief pause will help you be present in the moment, marshal your thoughts, and ensure your audience is still engaged. It’ll also help them to take in what you’re saying so your messages land.

Try it: just before you start, and then at appropriate moments during the presentation.

4. Huh?

The second half of a sentence generally makes the whole meaningful. Not wise, then, to throw it away – whether through nerves or enthusiasm. Yet word swallowing is one of the most common issues we help with. Full, as opposed to shallow, breathing will help; as will simple awareness. It’s amazing how much more effective we are when we speak deliberately.

Try it: five minutes before you start, and then a few times during the presentation.

5. Aim for alignment

We are most persuasive, convincing and effective when we show that we mean what we say. So don’t just tell – be. Aligning your delivery with your meaning will imbue your words with the weight they deserve. So don’t undercut difficult messages with a nervous grin; and give grimaces a wide berth when explaining brilliant plans. Sounds obvious – yet it’s so often forgotten in the heat of the presenting moment!

Try it: before, during and after!

Want to learn more? Download our free Chirp Guide to find out how to use your voice more effectively in meetings, pitches and presentations.

 

Five tips to help your voice work at work

I was with a client recently who apologised for sounding so hoarse. She explained she’d been in end-to-end meetings the previous day. It was all very productive, she added, until she lost her voice.

The voice is critical to who we are; it forms so much of our identity. And, unless you’re a Trappist Monk, its effective use is key to successful work.

The impact of both words and actions can be transformed with a little attention to how we use our voices. So here are our five top tips to help you use yours to excellent effect.

1. Breathe before you speak. It sounds obvious but, particularly in nerve-wracking situations, most of us launch right in – and swiftly run out of breath. If most of your sentence is lost, you can guarantee its impact will be too. So: pause, then, breathe, and then speak!

2. Have a go at speaking as if from the stomach rather than the throat. It’ll help you project your voice – and lend authority – without raising it or straining. And that can be a boon in meetings.

(You’ll still need to open your mouth, of course. We’re not advising ventriloquism – however useful you might find that in meetings.)

3. Don’t rush! If you have something worth saying, give it the space to be heard and absorbed. In practice that means pausing and taking sufficient breath in longer sentences.

4. Think about how you want your words to be received. Delivery is almost as important as content – get those elements in harmony and your words will be infinitely more effective. If you need to persuade, for example, inject your words with energy – don’t undercut yourself by sounding unconvinced. It might take practice, but it’ll help imbue your words with meaning. And you’ll deliver clearer messages with greater impact as a result.

5. Be audible. If you’re feeling tired or nervous it can be hugely tempting to swallow your words. And that leaves colleagues baffled at best, and disengaged or irritated at worst. So make sure what you say can actually be heard. It will smooth communications and working relationships!

 

Want to learn more? Download our free Chirp Guide to find out how to use your voice more effectively in meetings, pitches and presentations.