Resilience

Where could you be more crap?

Are you good at life? Could you be better? I’ve devoted hours to this elusive goal. Better at mindfulness. Better at writing newsletters. Better at being… better.[1]

Being better is, basically, leadership law:

Continuous learning
Executing
Innovating
Everything-ing

Even being better at failing. (Yep, apparently it is possible to fail at failure.)

Isn’t it good? Well yeah, maybe. But God, it’s exhausting. So much effort goes into being better. When do you get to be crap? I don’t mean feeling you’ve been a bit crap. Or that you haven’t done your best. I mean being crap on purpose.[2]

But… why would you? 🤯

Well, partly because there’s something liberating about not even intending to be great. And partly because, however marvellous you are, you won’t always add value.[3]

But also because not everything matters. At least not in the same way to the same extent at the same time. And figuring out what doesn’t matter leaves you more room for what does.

Also, whisper it, sometimes you just will be… a bit crap. 😱 So, to the extent that you can, you might as well be crap on purpose. Selectively, deliberately, and where your brilliant brain won’t make a difference.

Hang on a minute, what does that even mean?

Good question. What does being crap mean?

Is the outcome subpar?
Is the outcome fine but the expectation sky high?
Is the process less effort?

These are different things. They require a different response. And they can unfold in confounding ways. Fantasy expectation can obfuscate real need. Un-crap effort can produce a crap outcome.[4] And less effort can improve an outcome.[5]

And then, of course, there are degrees of crap. Sometimes more is more; sometimes it’s just meh. Sometimes the quality of attention is the difference between brilliance and balls-up.

But we often lump it together under one crap umbrella. Which isn’t helpful. So get curious instead. What does being crap mean in this context? What does it mean to you? What does it mean to someone else?[6] And: why?

It’s worth running a few experiments to figure this out. To gauge what being purposefully crap feels like. To sensitise yourself to its various qualities. And to find out where and how you could (or shouldn’t) be more crap. Here are three places you might start.


1. Where do you excel?

Excellence is satisfying. It makes us feel valuable.[7] Which makes excessive effort so enticing. But beyond a certain point, does being even more excellent make a difference? Does it serve you? Does it reduce your attention for other stuff? Could less effort in the process – being “a bit crap” – free you up elsewhere?

Run some experiments where you excel. Which bits of a task require your brilliance? Which just need competence? Where could you give less – perhaps in thinking time, detail or extras? What actually makes the difference? Your less will probably still turn out to be more.[8]

Get curious, too, about what’s actually valued. You might discover your extra effort isn’t. Or gets in the way. Which can be annoying, and disheartening, and more fool them, etc. But it’s also useful data in deciding what deserves best-brain. And what doesn’t.

2. Where do you secretly fear crapness?

Enough of excellence. Where do you give too much for fear of being not enough? What do you fear might be revealed without such diligence?

Fear might be essential, even enjoyable. But it also provokes all manner of peculiarities. Like going the extra fifty miles instead of one. Or ploughing in hours of thought where two would do.[9] Because if you didn’t, who knows what might emerge? 😬

Put your secret crappiness to the test. What happens if you ease off a bit? Where can you ease off? Where do you need to make more effort? What’s the sweet spot between underdone and overblown? Or between your fear-filled expectation and actual need?[10] And does your fantasyland perception of "crap" baffle everyone else?

3. Where does it just not matter?

The day other day, my (very patient) niece gave her (not very patient) aunt a cello lesson. Said aunt had always assumed an affinity with the cello. Sure, there’d be the odd duff note. And third position might be a stretch. No matter. She’d be singing out Elgar’s Cello Concerto in no time.

Reader, it’s true. I was singing the concerto in no time. I just wasn’t playing it. Turns out I find the cello both quite tricky and verrrrry painful.[11] I wasn’t just a bit crap. I was utterly crap. I couldn’t trap the strings. I played all over the bridge. I could barely hold the bow.

BUT

It was really fun! Because none of it mattered. Who cares if I suck at cello?[12] Not even me, despite my massive ego.

The thing about my job, and probably yours, is that there’s not much opportunity to be overtly crap. To be deliciously, delightfully rubbish. To revel in hilarious, abject failure precisely because it doesn’t matter. To care about process instead of outcome and notice how that feels. That’s hard in the whirl of work.

Which is a shame. Because actually, being deliberately crap is incredibly freeing. Sure, you might learn something. You might even discover a new talent.[13] But that’s not the point. It doesn’t matter. Literally no one cares, including you. Phew.

So again: get curious. What does being crap mean, and when, and why? Where is best-brain not required? When is effort driven by fear? How can you trade less effort on what doesn’t matter for more on what does? Where does being crap free your soul? 🥳

This is how to be more crap.[14] Not blithely and wholesale. But discretely, purposefully and, with a spot of luck, hilariously. So go on, kick up a stink! 👋

Keen to get curious and fancy a spot of help?

Get intensely curious about who you are, who you’re not, and what actually matters with Impertinent Questions. My nosiness meets your context each weekday for a month.

Get curious with The Curious Leader newsletter direct to your inbox. Longform, practical, personal opining on curiosity in leadership. Like today’s on FOBFO-busting, or this one on owning your success.


 [1] Perhaps I should apply for BBC Director of Better.

[2] I’m currently in hostage negotiations with the “delivery” “service” Yodel, which has hijacked my parcel. Serious commitment to ‘be more crap’, there.

[3] And might make it worse. By redirecting attention towards you. Or asking redundant questions. Or squashing someone else’s opportunity. Or…

[4] I know, so unfair.

[5] As above.

[6] Like this morning, when a friend with an actual degree in maths described himself as ‘a crap mathematician’. 🙄

[7] And no wonder. More effort + more talent = better results is a very sticky notion. And makes more talent + tiny effort = same results seem terribly unfair. Although the hard work + talent = success equation collapses anyway because it’s so often trumped by privilege = success. Which isn’t to suggest you can’t be talented and hard-working and privileged (👋). Or a privileged distaster. But you won’t have to be as talented or as hard working to get further than someone with less privilege. Tricky, but true.

[8] Just don’t be a wally.

[9] Fear also provokes avoidance. On which: this.

[10] Years ago I spent fear-stained hours perfecting practice tracks for my choir. Just in case they weren’t (tr: I wasn’t) quite good enough. Pointlessly, as it turned out: they only ever got a brief, half-arsed listen anyway. So now they’re crap. I record one improvised version, and that’s it. Doing them quickly and crappily has saved me buckets of time. And: no one cares! 🤦‍♀️ Plus I preserve my energy for rehearsals, which is where my best brain really matters. (And where I change everything anyway.)

[11] Tragically, my callous heart hasn’t extended to callused fingers.

[12] Possibly the neighbours.

[13] I haven’t. But my kind niece has agreed to another lesson. I have agreed to be better behaved and less impatient. Unclear which will transpire.

[14] Has this post become unintentionally meta? 😬

What's your FOBFO?

Today’s cheery topic is… FEAR. 🙀😬😭 For clarity, not the fear of danger.[1] I'm curious about a different sort of fear, that of being found out. Or FOBFO for short. Do we all have it? Pretty much. Would we prefer not to disturb the dragon? Yep. But does FOBFO show you where to get curious? Hell, yes!

Why don't you own your success?

But: why? Why should failure be more notable than success? Success can be just as transformative as disaster. Sometimes more so. But we’re so busy chasing the next and the next and the next that we don’t really notice. I don’t mean we never raise a glass, or give ourselves a pat on the back. But that’s quickly done – and quickly over. I mean that we don’t pay attention to it. Look it up and down. Hang out in its folds and crevices. Give it a good sniff. In other words: get really, deeply curious about it.

Is vulnerability valuable?

Is vulnerability valuable? I don’t have a glib answer to that question so, for a more thoughtful exploration, have a listen to our episode on the OneFish podcast.

It was a pleasure to tease out vulnerability in leadership (and scat) with the marvellous Dr Carrie Goucher. Seeking to elucidate and distil the notion of vulnerability also made me feel quite vulnerable. Which added an intriguingly meta aspect to our conversation.

Tips to survive Blue Monday – or Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...

Waiting for the bus in the rain

Oh dear, it’s Blue Monday again. The day on which our gloom and unhappiness supposedly peaks. And with Brexit, Trump and 2016’s upsetting celebrity cull, this one could be the very bluest yet.

Let’s put aside for one moment the fact that Blue Monday is entirely bogus and was conjured up for a Sky Travel ad campaign in 2005. And that the equation is bunkum. And that even its creator says we should ignore it.*

It’s entirely possible, now we’re post-Christmas, and many months pre-summer holidays, and it’s been raining for (what feels like) an entire week, and your resolutions are starting to crumble, and you’d meet up with friends but everyone’s too tired/skint/teetotal, that you might feel a bit… flat. And that being told it’s the most depressing day of the year might not help.

So what are we do with all of this, not least if tomorrow turns out to be just as glum? If said glumness is of the fairly temporary variety, you might like to try the following. (For anything else, do check out #blueanyday.)  

Body Scan

Some people find a quick body scan can help them to be present in the moment, and figure out with how they actually feel. (As opposed to how a marketing concept tells them they ought to feel.) See below for a few tips if you fancy giving that a go. The point is simply to notice, rather than change, how you are.

1. Notice your breathing. Is it deep, shallow, fast, slow, uneven, steady, etc.?

2. Scan down your body, from the crown of your head to your fingertips and toes. Notice where you feel comfort and tension, and which parts of your body feel relaxed or tired.

3. Scan your emotions. Notice how you feel in this moment and the emotions you’re experiencing.

Go to the pub – no, really!

And if that’s not your thing, then you might like to know that going to the pub with friends appears to improve wellbeing. Though I should add that the Oxford University research does also point out that the potential benefits are similar to other socially bonding activities such as laughter, singing and dancing. So you might have to stick out Dry January after all.

Make up your own bogus equation

Finally, and with that research in mind, I recommend a hearty laugh at the equation behind Blue Monday. It really is gloriously silly. You might even like to come up with a few of your own, just for fun. Here’s one of mine.

H = B x O2 - P / D + 4

(Happiness = books read multiplied by time outdoors minus pigeon encounters divided by daylight + 4. Alternatively, hydrogen equals boron multiplied by oxygen minus phosphorus divided by + 4, where D = I made it up.)

I hope you’re having a happy Monday. And, if not, that this afternoon, or evening or tomorrow brings some cheer. Either way, and at any of time of year, you might like to check out #blueanyday.

 

*But let’s not ignore the mental health experts who say that Blue Monday creates damaging misconceptions about mental illness. And that the glib message that retail cures all can spell disaster for vulnerable people who spend more when they feel unwell.