It’s been a while since I last posted, but I’ve got an excuse: I’ve been busy. But sadly, not with stuff I actually want to do. I could give you a host of examples but, frankly, who has time? Not many of us, it seems. We’re way too busy with all the things we don’t want to do.¹
And sure, the inevitable crunchpoints don’t help, but that itchy feeling of being somehow off-track can hit at any time. What are the signs?
Being incredibly busy but feeling no further forward
Running intensive delivery but sluggish development
Getting tonnes done but not what matters to you
And maybe that’s because you’re crap at prioritising. Or have crap ideas. Or are crap in some other way.² But then you probably wouldn’t be where you are now. And besides, even if you’re sublimely talented like the leaders I work with, it’s still bloody hard to do what you actually want.
But… why? 😫
Lots of reasons, sometimes clumped into inextricable brain-scramble. But these three pop up a fair bit.
You’re prioritising other people’s stuff above your own. Because you’re good like that. And who doesn’t like feeling useful?³
You’ve been neglecting what you actually want to do. Because life. And now you’re too knackered to remember what you wanted to do, or whether you still do. Meanwhile, the thought of having to figure it out again sends you racing back to the urgent to-do list.⁴
The real kicker: it’s harder and riskier to do what you want. Perhaps because it’s new, and you’re still working it out. And perhaps because doing what you want means owning who you are. Which can feel all kinds of scary, shamey ick. Or as my mate Nick puts it, “like crashing waves of shame on a BEACH OF CRINGE”. 😱 And who wants that?
There’s also the uber-reason, of course: you’re too busy. But you’ll always be too busy, so you might as well crack on. Here are three ways to give it a whirl.
1. Ask impertinent questions 🧐
Get curious about what’s in the way to help shift it out the way.
Why is what you’re doing more important than what you want to do?
When won’t it be?
What are the inherent risks (tiny, terrifying) in doing what you want to do?
Which are real, which imagined; how do you know?
How might you try something to find out what you might want to do?
What might make that less daunting, more enticing or simply more likely?
Fancy an extended download? You’ll find that here.⁵
2. Shimmy to Freedom 👻
Perhaps you don’t know what you want. Perhaps what you thought you wanted now feels meh. Perhaps you’re too goddamn tired to think about any of it.⁶ 😞
Thing is, it’s tough for anything to emerge if it’s permasquished under All The Things. With no space to grow, and no chance to get noticed. So clear out some crap and let in some light with a Freedom Shimmy:
Reading for pleasure (not work)
Purposelessly pottering (not doing chores)
Strolling through the park (not counting steps)
Singing with abandon (not with the dots⁷)
Gazing at the stars (not for navigation⁸)
Or anything else provided you don’t have to do it and you don’t have to try. Because the Freedom Shimmy isn’t work; it’s unwork. You’re not trying to generate ideas, solve problems, gain inspiration, regain focus or even passively reflect.⁹ You’re trying less – on purpose.
Just think: what if you didn’t always have to live with purpose, inspire your team, maximise returns, citizen usefully… or whatever it is that keeps you from breathing out, letting go, and feeling the ground beneath your feet? How might that feel? What might that look like? Freedom, perhaps?
Confoundingly, most of us have to try hard to try less. But a frequent shimmy can help you clear some space amid the daily detritus. Space in which you might just find what you want. And even have the headspace to notice.
3. Do to become 💪
Presumably for extra lolz, one of the stickiest reasons for not doing what you want often comes in triplicate. A) it’s difficult, b) you don’t know how to do it,¹⁰ and c) trying to do it feels like hoicking out your innards and shoving them on display for mass ridicule.
So here are three go-tos that help my clients (and me) beard even the hairiest dragons:
🤓 Sweat the small stuff
Okay, no need to sweat. But you’ll probably find it easier, faster and more likely to stick if you play with a few bits and bobs instead of the full shebang.
🤔 Get experimental
This needn’t be overly involved. Just pick a thing to test, go and test it, note the result and decide what’s next. And keep it simple: ditch anything that’s even mildly grand or needs more than a mite of input from someone else.¹¹
😎 Keep on trucking
Think not just test—learn—adapt, but also: repeat. Because more doing = more learning = less risk. Besides which, you will actually be doing what you want to do. Which was the whole point in the first place.
And finally: let it go.¹² Let the bar drop from unattainable mythery to practical doing. It’ll be so much easier to get started, and get curious about what works and, before you know it, to be doing what you actually want.
Keen to get curious and fancy a spot of help?
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FOOTNOTES
1 Like year-ends, no notice requests and the painstaking repair of (someone else’s) sloppy work. Plus all the festive shopping, cooking and rellie wrangling. Merry, ahem, Christmas. 🎄
2 Not always a bad thing, especially if you’re being crap on purpose.
3 Tl;dr: “Helping others… reliably causes increased subjective well-being, with consistently small-to-medium effect sizes.” Plus, and I’m paraphrasing here: it’s complex, innit?
4 I’m broadly not a fan of ‘to do’ lists. They too often bump off important in favour of urgent, spiral out of control, or souse you in gloom before you’ve begun. I much prefer Oliver Burkeman’s done lists.
5 And you’ll find my month of Impertinent Questions here. Although wait until you’re back if you’re holiday adjacent. Else a LOT OF QUESTIONS on your return. 😵💫
6 I don’t know whether we’re all more weary now than pre-pandemic. But many senior leaders tell me they’re seeing a sort ‘long tail’ of Covid play out in their teams, with everyone a bit nearer knackered than before. Or a bit more willing to show it.
7 To ‘follow the dots’ = sing per the score.
8 One of my clients can actually do this. It’s everyday whatevs to them – but terribly exciting to me!
9 This absence of focus is perhaps what distinguishes it from mindfulness.
10 As distinct from knowing how other people might do it. But as they’re not you, and living your life in your context, this tends not to be quite as galvanising as one might hope.
11 Although as per everything Curious Leader: caveats may apply, find what whats for you, etc!
12 Better in Welsh. 🤷♀️